What’s going on?!

Parts of the event are still secret. And parts of the event are still a mystery even to us. But we’ll update the information here as frequently as we can.

Rough Schedule

Friday Night – Packet Pick up and Pub Crawl

Elevator Coffee
1033 SE Main St, Portland, OR 97214

5:30-7:30 Packet pick up and check in

7:00 – 8:00 Rolling out with Team Poler for their Pub Crawl

8:00 – to late night – Pub Crawl with Team Poler

Saturday –Qualifying

Kruger’s Farm

17100 NW Sauvie Island Rd, Portland, OR 97231

8:30 – 9:45 packet pick up and check in
10:00 am – First group qualifier starts
10:00am – late afternoon or until you have qualified

Saturday Night – Food and Party

Kenton Club and Kenton food carts
2025 N Kilpatrick St, Portland, OR 97217

5:30 –Late night – Party party party

Sunday – The main event

Kruger’s farm
17100 NW Sauvie Island Rd, Portland, OR 97231

Noon – the “everyone’s a loser race” (50 minutes)
1:00 – Women’s World Championship Race (50 minutes)
2:00 – Men’s World Championship Race (50 minutes)

Sunday Night – Awards Party

Kenton Club
2025 N Kilpatrick St, Portland, OR 97217

6:00pm – Late Night


Friday evening – come get your numbers and party favors at Elevator Cafe (1033 SE Main St). We’ll be there from 5-8pm. You’ll be there as long as it takes to get your stuff, buy a steel pint and have a beer on us.

You’ll commit to either the RACE qualifier or the I’M FEELING LUCKY qualifier when you pick up your packet.

Then saddle up and head off for the Poler Team Pub Crawl. They’ll be leaving in (ir)regular intervals, so show up when you show up, get your stuff, give as many high fives as you can, and then head on out when you see a herd heading out. Should be short and sweet at Elevator and whatever you make of it on the Crawl.

We really do hope you get to meet some new folks though, please make it so.

*At pickup you’ll get a heat number. You’ll need to know this heat number, so we’ll write it down for you because we forget stuff too. You’ll need to know it or know how to find it out for Saturday morning. We’re sorry this is gonna be so hard. Imagine trying to think up that many numbers, yep, we’re the victims here.


Late registration is held early so as to mystify.  8-10am number pickup at Kruger’s Farm (17100 NW Sauvie Island Rd)

Short version: Be at Krugers at 9:45am, ready to party.

Those who choose the I’M FEELING LUCKY qualifier:  ‘field games’ get rolling at 11am.  These are the folks that aren’t super ‘racy,’ maybe they’re even ‘not good at bikes’ or ‘better at imaginary sports.’  Pick this route and engage in such activities – there aren’t a ton of spots available, but you’ll have the most fun of anyone trying to get one of em.

Those who choose the RACE Qualifier: You will have a start time for your heat. You could just show up for and then leave, but that’s a terrible plan. You should show up early and drink beer and play all day long.  That’s what this thing is about and it’s gonna be well worth the daylight hours to hang with us all. There will be food and coffee and beer and high fives and a super fat pig that we’re not gonna kill and eat because it’s one of those cute ones that’s smarter than we were in 3rd grade.

We’re hoping to have heats every 20
minutes.  So if Pythagoras was right, heat 2 goes off at 10:20, heat 3
at 10:40 and so on until we’re done (again, our shoddy math predicts
group 13 going at 2:00).  Yes, we’re taking odds on this all happening
as we’ve planned it.

Ladies and gentleman will be racing together in these heats.  You’ll get
scored separately, but it’ll be much more fun together than apart. 
Also, we have 3 ordained clergy members as well as a notary on our crew
representing 4 houses of worship just in case you meet someone special
and need emergency nuptials.

Once your race heat is over, the whole group of 50 will move on to 2
other events together to further separate and shame the group.  Plan on
hanging with this crew of people for at least 2 hours.

Once it’s all said and done, there will no doubt be some ties to be
broken, some tears to wipe, and some hugs to give.  Then we’ll
rendezvous in Kenton for food carts and a very loud party with THE
ANCIENT WARLOCKS at Kenton Club (2025 N Kilpatrick St)


– Morning geared racesfor all y’all with friends who make bad choices:
Portland Trophy Cup  9-12 AM

– Non Qualifier Lifestyle Parade Race: High Noon
– Women’s Championship of the World Race: 1:00PM
– Men’s Championship of the World Race: 2:00PM

AfterParty, Food Carts, Tattoos, Golden Speedo, 2017 Announcement, and
very loud music is at the World Famous Kenton Club (2025 N Kilpatrick
St) again at 6:00 all brought to you by us and Giro.

Beer Containers

In case we didn’t make clear, we’re not going to be providing plastic cups at the race. Because they’re gross.  Y’all knew this was coming right? Since here in PDX we all live in tree houses and have composting toilets, we’re quite garbage averse. We’re also quite pro- awesome stuff like cheap beer and these custom stainless Earthwell pints. My shitty photography betrays how badass they are. Get yours at registration or at the event itself for $10. For real, we won’t have disposable cups for you. That said, beer will be $1, so it’ll all work out in the end. We love you, we love 🍻, kickass @earthwell pints, and this 🌎

Organize your own damn trip

We’re not going to manage this, but feel free to talk to fellow racers about riding to events together, carpooling, lodging, or general event planning.
Check the Forums

Where should we stay?

Some hostels or guest houses:
friendly bikeguest house
travelers house
inn alberta arts

Hotel/Motels – 1-2 star
viking motel portland
monticello motel

Hotel/Motel -3-4 star swanky
hotel eastlund
embassy suites

Portlandia = expensive tiny houses

Expensive travel house

Most haunted

Houses – try to book a house in North, Inner Northeast, or Northwest – if you have questions on the house location feel free to contact us.

Where is stuff happening?

We’ll be updating the map as events are ironed out.

Learn what's going on just as quickly as we figure it out
  We will not share your details with any 3rd party.